Hannah Adkins – Youth pastor – !Audacious Church
As a youth pastor I have had to come to the realisation of a very important truth – that parents are not the biggest enemy to my youth ministry – even though, sometimes, it can feel like they are! I can recall countless phone calls and conversations with angry parents (most probably because their child has returned home covered in jelly or some other sticky substance!) when I have walked away or hung up the phone wanting to either declare war, or just throw the towel in!
However, I have learnt that it is a sign of maturity, within youth leadership, when you begin to see parents not as the enemy, but an incredible asset. As youth leaders we have to be careful that in our passion to see our young people connect with God and connect with us, that we do not lose sight of two very important facts:
1) That your youth ministry should be there to support and aid parents bringing up their children and therefore 2) that we are on the same ‘team’ as the parents. After all, most parents genuinely want the best for their children, which should resonate with the heart of your youth ministry. It is due to this shared value and passion that, as a youth team, it should be in our interest to create partnerships with parents.
It is also important for us to understand that although we are not, as youth teams, primarily responsible for pastorally caring for the parents of our young people, we should have a holistic view toward church. Seeing the bigger picture of church will therefore help us to see that our team has a part to play in supporting Christian parents as well as supporting and connecting non Christian parents into church. This will not only see your youth ministry grow, but the entire body of Christ.
Therefore I felt it is important to share with you some helpful, creative and proven ways to connect and build relationships with parents of young people within your youth ministry.
Communication is KEY!
Make sure that your youth ministry is communicating all the time with parents. Many problems you may incur will come from parents simply not knowing what is happening! No matter how well you communicate, no matter in how much detail, to your youth – never assume that they will then communicate this with their parents! This is a too costly assumption for your youth ministry to make. If your youth ministry currently communicates to parents through your young people, e.g. relies on parent letters/information being taken home by their children, I would suggest you cut out the middle man (your youth!) and begin to communicate directly with the parent. This will also help you and your team develop relationship with them. There are a number of ways you can develop these lines of communication. Here’s a few we have found helpful:
• “For Parent” Section on your website
Facebook is a great way to communicate with youth but it is so valuable to have a section on your church or youth website that is especially designed for parents. A helpful hint: If you are not a parent yet yourself, why not ask a parent within your church or on your team who will be able to help you understand what a parent will want to know about your programs and ministry. Ensure to make all the content friendly to both Christian and non-Christian parents. Do not assume that the parents reading it come to your church because, hopefully, as your ministry grows that will not always be the case! Make sure all the information you give clear and concise. State costs involved, times and locations for all your programs. Advertise events you have coming up as early as possible to help parents plan. Make sure that you have a contact name and number on this section of the website so that they know exactly who to contact if they have any questions or queries.
• A termly update letter
A termly letter is a great way to communicate with parents. This way they can have an overview of what their child’s diary will look like and they can also plan financially if there are activities that cost to attend. You may wish to write two different letters, one to parents who attend your church and one to parents who do not. It’s a great idea to include ‘Prayer points’ on the letter to the Christian parents so they can be a part of the ministry their child is involved in, and can also feel the weight of what you do as a team (e.g. you don’t just entertain their young people for a few hours!). In the letter to parents who do not attend church you could include invitations to events being held at the church that they may like to attend with their child.
• A liaison person
Firstly, it is important that all team members learn how to communicate well with parents. However, having one or two members who are designated to purposefully building relationships and connecting with parents will really help your ministry. It will allow parents to know clearly who they should go to if they have any questions and it will enable good relationship to be built with parents who do not attend church. If you have a team member who has children themselves or who works with children and parents (e.g. a teacher) they can draw on their experience and will therefore make a great liaison person. Make sure they are near the door or even in the car park of your venue before and after programs, proactively connecting with parents dropping off and collecting their children. You may even like to set up an area for this team member to sit and have coffee with a parent while their young person is at youth.
• A vision night
We have found holding ‘Parent Vision nights’ has proven to be so valuable in partnering with both Christian and non-Christian parents. By simply inviting parents to attend a vision meeting every term, you are able to create an open and friendly culture within your youth ministry. At our vision evenings, we introduce the team and their roles, clearly outline our programs and why we do what we do, and we leave space for parents to comment and ask questions. Having parents from your church who you know support your team and the ministry will help create a positive atmosphere for new parents to connect into. These evenings are also a great opportunity for non-Christian parents to see what their child is a part of and how they can get involved within the church.
From one youth ministry to another – we want to salute you for all you are doing, and encourage you to keep going! We hope you can use our learning curve in regards to connecting with parents and we pray that you and your ministry goes from strength to strength.
